Da Bizzle Dizzle, my Nizzle...
(Andre 3K or sumtin' lookin' edition of buzz dive)



Might be the Mother of all Buzz dives, so far.... Let's hit today's incontinent,

Blair finds time to drop in on Arnie, Snoop and Nicole

No one cared over here, either.

Vegetable prices to soar as heatwave blights harvest

The heatwave which delivered the hottest July on record has caused a disastrous slump in vegetable crops which is expected to send prices soaring, as they did when the 1976 drought hit. The temperatures - which peaked at 36.3C (97.3F), the highest on record for July in 95 years - have caused many crops, including potatoes, cauliflower, broccoli and spinach, to stop growing and ripen early. Many farmers, accustomed to harvesting over a longer period,

No broccoli? whatever will children eat?

Richard Hirst, farmer: 'The plants shut down when it hits 28C'
Richard Hirst reflected yesterday on the record July temperatures that have reduced his pea crop yield by more than 15 per cent.... Since vegetable prices have been in a downward spiral, there is no slack to cushion the effects of the heatwave. "Shop prices will go up," he said.

Actually Richard, they've been saying the same thing about Bananas. But retail price inflation over here has been negligable. I should know. The reason why? Icky free markets. Futures, to be precise.

Unborn baby put at risk by lies, says Sheridan

On the 21st day of a £200,000 damages action against the News of the World, Mr Sheridan made an emotional speech to the Court of Session in Edinburgh. He claimed that his pregnant wife and unborn child had been endangered by a pack of lies reported in the Sunday tabloid.

Ah but Tommy, here you said it wasn't an unborn child, just a choice waiting to be made. Which is, again? Better hope those fake-bake chemical tests they did on your alleged paramours do not come back positive.

Stones paid just 1.6% tax on £240m royalties

Records released in the Netherlands show that the band's tax bill on their earnings of $450m (£240m) was a mere $7.2m. The information came to light after the Stones decided to open two foundations in Holland to manage the rights to their music, performances, merchandise and films and to settle the question of ownership should one of them die. The registration for the two new foundations, which will control the rights to the Stones' royalties, revealed that the Stones had been putting all their royalties into the Netherlands since 1972...

And the tax breaks are so good for the rockers that U2 have also now copied the Stones by moving to the same exclusive Amsterdam address on 1 June. The bands now share the same Dutch director, Jan Favie.Details have leaked out because the Stones are preparing for their final curtain call - making their wills - and Dutch law requires certain information to be made public. Germany's Die Welt newspaper reported on the extraordinary tax break that the band enjoyed through the use of offshore trusts and companies. It said the trio went Dutch in 1972 to have their millions managed from Amsterdam because they didn't trust British finance houses.

Yeah, why don't you suck me and save Africa with your own money, instead of our fucking taxes you hypocritical, self-righteous prick!

Heavy fighting forces out Sri Lanka ceasefire monitors

European ceasefire monitors were also pulling out after the Tigers refused to guarantee their safety. In a remarkable counter-offensive, Tiger guerrillas burst past troops who have been trying to fight their way into rebel-held territory for two days, and last night appeared to be close to taking control of Muttur, a key strategic town. Residents of Muttur, which is predominantly Muslim, fled. Many sheltered in mosques or schools. Muslims support neither side... Both sides insisted they were only acting in "self-defence". But the head of the Scandinavian monitoring mission, Ulf Henricsson, was blunt. "In reality, there is no ceasefire in Trincomalee," he said.

In reality, this is why you cannot depend on happy-shiney, secular humanists schemes to defend your rights statutory privileges or property unneeded revenue sources.

The history of England: Domesday goes digital

Although originally called the Book of Winchester, by the time of Henry II, who moved it to the Chapter House in Westminster, it was universally referred to as the Domesday Book, based on the Middle English word for doom and a reference to its definitive nature in disputes over land.

But historians such as Dr Baxter can see a bigger social picture. "It is more than a fiscal document; it is an instrument of feudal control. It shows that, like many conquerors, William was obsessed with the legitimacy of what he was trying to do and wanted to create an impression of seamless consistency for history. For the noblemen, it gave them security of title to the property they had acquired from the Anglo-Saxons, on the basis that if was written, it was legitimate. It was about England being treated in a colonial manner."

Fuck thou, pay me.

Yushchenko agonises over appointing rival

Yushchenko had faced a stark choice: to sacrifice his principles on the altar of pragmatism and appoint the pro-Russian candidate as his Prime Minister and work with him in a coalition government; or to dissolve the country's parliament and call fresh elections just four months after the last ones, plunging Ukraine into another period of political limbo.

Parlamentary Democracy's grand, ain't it?

Romanian teenagers with HIV 'facing persecution'
*A Spoonful of Socialism to Help the Medicine Go Down*

The findings, by Human Rights Watch (HRW), will make uncomfortable reading for Romania, which is to join the EU next year. The report details the problems endured by more than 7,200 Romanians aged 15 to 19 infected with HIV between 1986 and 1991 due to government incompetence. The teenagers are the survivors of an ill-conceived programme that resulted in more than 10,000 children at hospitals and orphanages across Romania being exposed to contaminated needles. As children, they underwent minor blood transfusions in the mistaken belief that it would boost their immunity.

Wow, governments do that? Whudda thunk? Say a prayer for those unfortunate souls.

The Gay Police Association vs Christians: A clash of two freedoms

An advert placed by the Gay Police Association (GPA) that claimed a 74 per cent rise in homophobic incidents due to religious belief has caused widespread offence among Christians. The advert, depicting a Bible beside a pool of blood under the heading "In the name of the father", appeared in this newspaper's Diversity supplement in June, to coincide with London's Europride event. Writing in the Daily Express, Ann Widdecombe has also revealed her outrage. "By choosing that very famous line of Christian worship, the advertisement suggests that Christianity is almost uniquely responsible for hate crime. Can anyone imagine the Koran rather than the Bible being featured? Yet the teaching of both faiths (and, indeed, others) is against homosexual acts. Why pick on Christianity?"

But far from backing down, Paul Cahill of the GPA says the association originally had plans to create a second advert depicting the Koran. "The vast majority of incidents where faith was an integral factor, came from Christians - as you might expect from a Christian country - but a disproportionately high number of faith hate incidents were also from Muslims who take objection to gay lifestyles. I mean disproportionate to the number of Muslims in the country."

Translation: Muslims scare us a hell of a lot more than Mormons, so we'll focus on trying to shame them. But yeah, I'm sure that ad will have Christians won over real quickly.

And now on to my former favorite paper,

SNH wanring over new wind farms

But the environmental agency yesterday warned that the aim of avoiding potential conflicts between renewable-energy developments and heritage-sensitive sites will become more difficult to achieve in the drive to reach the Scottish Executive's target of producing 40 per cent of the country's energy needs from renewable sources by 2020.

Behold folks, environmental sprawl... Never thought you'd see that one, huh?

Study finds cancer risk in bacon and smoked meats
*Adventures in Quantifying Common Sense*

EATING more processed meats, such as bacon, sausage and smoked ham, increases the risk of stomach cancer, scientists said yesterday. A review of 15 studies showed the risk of developing stomach cancer rose by 15 to 38 per cent if consumption of processed meats increased by an ounce per day, the Karolinska Institute in Sweden said.

Bernard Woolley: "They cannot stop us eating the British sausage, can they?"
Jim Hacker: "They can stop us calling it a sausage though. Apparently it has got to be called the Emulsified High-Fat Offal Tube."
Bernard Woolley: "And you swallowed it?"

Cameron yesterday stepped up his criticism of big companies, and backing a probe into the big supermarkets.

The role and power of Britain's biggest retailers are rising up the political agenda, and only partly thanks to Mr Cameron. Yesterday, the Office of Fair Trading (OFT) confirmed the so-called "big four" supermarkets would undergo a full inquiry to examine claims they unfairly stifled rivals and exploited suppliers. "If a supermarket opens a convenience store on the high street and uses its financial muscle to drive down prices until small shops are forced out of business - and then immediately puts prices up again - we need to complain," said Mr Cameron.

No David, you should put down the vanity mirror and pick up a book. Since there's so many to choose from, try narrowing it down to one that explains Say's Law.

Breastfed children 'cope better with stress'

Funny thing, so do breastfed adult men.

And on that note, let's call it a night.